The five stages of change are precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and
maintenance.

Precontemplation is the stage at which there is no intention to change
behavior in the foreseeable future. Many individuals in this stage are unaware or
underaware oftheir problems.

Contemplation is the stage in which people are aware
that a problem exists and are seriously thinking about overcoming it but have not yet
made a commitment to take action.

Preparation is a stage that combines intention and
behavioral criteria. Individuals in this stage are intending to take action in the next
month and have unsuccessfully taken action in the past year.

Action is the stage in which individuals modify their behavior, experiences, or environment in order to
overcome their problems. Action involves the most overt behavioral changes and
requires considerable commitment oftime and energy.

Maintenance is the stage in which people work to prevent relapse and consolidate the gains attained during action.
For addictive behaviors this stage extends from six months to an indeterminate period past the initial action.

As A Therapist it is important to establish the readiness of individuals. By doing so I am better prepared to offer you
those interventions that best suite you rather than using a shot gun of approaches.

When I consider where you really are along the continuum of change, it is my view that you are best served.

Changing Behavior Is The Client’s Choice, How Can You Help The
Client Come To A Place Where He/She Sees Change And Sees The
Process Of Changing As Worthwhile.

Phase 1. As A therapist I would want to:
TRAPS
1. Avoiding premature focus trap. Start broad.
2. Confrontation/denial trap. Client ends up arguing against change.
3. Labeling Trap
4. Blaming Trap. Maybe active discussion of problem makes the
client feel blamed. Client feels blamed whatever the cause
5. Question/Answer Trap. Creates a passive client and controlling
counseling. Never ask 3 questions in a row, especially if you
open your session with questions
6. Expert Trap. Also involves asking too many questions. Activity,
energy and commitment needed for client in outside world; why
not let the client be more of an active participant in counseling?
Information gathering by doctor should reinforce energy and
activity, involving behavior, rather than passivity when you
expect them to actively take their medication, etc.
OPENING STRATEGIES: I might engage the client by:

1. Ask open-ended questions-can’t answer yes or no. Closed
questions can establish a passive client and are typical of intake
and many first sessions of counseling. Rethink what you need to
know.
2. Listen reflectively (empathically); follow client’s path, not
yours .. Reflect back what client tells you. More efficient. It’s the
client who needs to move. Listen to himlher. Like Roger’s idea of
being a mirror for the client. Good for gaining time when you
don’t know where you want to go or to cross cultural boundaries.
Concentrate on client’s interpretation of problem, not problem
itself. No on judgment; yes on reflection whether you agree with
client or not. Validate. Allows client to make “change talk” and
locate his/her fear and anxiety about change. Don’t react to
hearing negative information. Listen to their body language or
when client stops talking. This technique provides a safety net.

3. Summarize. Giving back to the person in a contained form. Here
is where you can be a bit directive. Person hears themselves in my reflecting
back of what they have said and then they hear your
summary, which contains your emphases to reinforce certain
aspects of what they said and not other aspects. Don’t use
needless words. “Offering a bouquet to the client.” Can serve as
an interim summary and then ask, “What else?”

4. Affirm. With “problem talk” and “problem focus,” easy to forget
positive things. Convey respect for client’s achievement,
struggles, and feelings. Reframing weaknesses into strength.
Must not be phony or contrived on counselor’s part. Must
monitor yourself to see where you see possible affirmation.

5. Eliciting self-motivating statements. The client makes the
argument for change. This is usually done by counselor, so you
change that relationship.

a. Problem recognition. The client’s realizing that there is a
need for a change and he/she articulates the costs and
benefits of change.

b. Expressed concern. Both the cognitive and emotional
aspects of their condition. Follow this by reflective
listening.

c. Intention to change. Arises more in later stages of change 1
but also can occur in crisis (like aftereffects of substance
abuse). The client needs to “own’ the change.

d. Optimism for change. Ability to change-goes beyond
intention. “I could change in chose to.” The client
articulates the ability to behave differently.

When we feel depressed, it often feels or looks to us like everything is bad or wrong. Nothing seems to go right and the harder we try to make things better. Often we feel like and think we are not going anywhere. We may feel helpless and that goes hand in hand with hopelessness.

Having low energy we may want to stay in bed, not do our usual routine. Finding fault or making excuses, it often seems easier not to do anything rather then take constructive action. Not caring, or thinking negatively sometimes goes hand in hand with thoughts to hurt or punish ourselves when we unable to get out and up through a fog we can barely see through.

No one is blame for this situation and invite you let go judging or making yourself wrong for having this experience if you do. That behavior makes it worse.

When an uncomfortable feelings or sensations arise, we want to know what they are and rightfully so. With each question and inquiry into the source of reason for the troubling feelings we might be left with no answer.

“What is wrong?” “Why Me?’ “Why do I feel this way?” “There must be something wrong me maybe what is it………..”

“Why do I have no energy to do the things like to do?”

And because we all like to figure things out and the very least have the right answers, we may meet more questions unanswered. Please do not fret if this is your predicament.

A continued search for the answer can trigger us to spiral deeper into the seeming pit.

All is not lost and neither are you. Believe me. .

“Have Heart, more often then not, things are not as they appear, nor as we think they are”

Should you have feelings of depression or just can’t get out of a funk, consider a call to me and I will be happy to assist you.

Steven Shaps MFT. 310.721.1246 www.stevenshapsmft@hotmail.com

All addictions have a common theme, avoidance & denial. Avoiding clear discernment and focusing on the object or process that perpetuates the avoidance.

Those objects in many ways serves the individual by temporarily soothing the itch, or the desire, that is seemingly intolerable and or numbs the individual satisfying their craving.

Most often the individual has very little control over these urges, in fact the body is attempting to find balance all of the time which makes it even more challenging.

The underlying urges are really feelings of desire to be liberated from the want & desire to be happy and or free of annoying thoughts & personal judgments.

The body is always attempting to gain Homeostasis or balance. In all if not most cases there are underlying feelings and thoughts that tend to move the individual to take less then constructive measures to soothe their need. The desire to seek relief and comfort is so great, that it clouds judgment.

Will power is not enough and the support from therapists & treatment centers are needed.

Levels of use: Abstinence, Experimentation, Social recreational, Abuse.

Addiction Tolerance: The body is forced to change or adapt to develop tolerance. The tolerance is the tendency to use larger and larger amounts in order to have the same effect on the system.

Dependence: Tissue dependence results from the biological adaptation of the body due to prolonged use of drugs or behavior. The body compensates by resetting normal homeostasis levels for certain drugs and behaviors which changes the body so much so that tissues and organs become dependent Psychological dependence is recognized as an important factor in the development of addictive behaviors, users begin to to rely on the psychoactive drug or behavior to deal with their challenges.

In a very strange way they have a love object that is always there as long they use or continue the behavior. It Alters and effects the behavior of an individual and can alter ones state of consciousnesses.

Withdrawal: Upon stopping use of the drug or behavior, the body attempts to re-balance itself after cessation of or prolonged use of psychoactive drug or compulsive behaviors.

Various symptoms manifest as result depending on the drug or behavior as well as length use. If you are challenged in any area of your life and finding yourself repeatedly seeking relief by the use of medication or a process addiction please seek professional support.

As a significant part of my approach I offer to my clients Motivational Interviewing which prepares them where ever they are along the continuum of Change

Changing Behavior Is The Client’s Choice, How Can I as a therapist Help The Client Come To A Place Where He/She Sees Change And Sees The
Process Of Changing As Worthwhile.

Phase 1. As A therapist I would want to avoid these traps :

1. Avoiding premature focus trap. Start broad.
2. Confrontation/denial trap. Client ends up arguing against change.
3. Labeling Trap
4. Blaming Trap. Maybe active discussion of problem makes the client feel blamed. Client feels blamed whatever the cause
5. Question/Answer Trap. Creates a passive client and controlling counseling. Never ask 3 questions in a row, especially if you
open your session with questions
6. Expert Trap. Also involves asking too many questions. Activity, energy and commitment needed for client in outside world; why not let the client be more of an active participant in counseling?

Information gathering by doctor should reinforce energy and activity, involving behavior, rather than passivity when you
expect them to actively take their medication, etc.

OPENING STRATEGIES: I might engage the client by:

1. Ask open-ended questions-can’t answer yes or no. Closed
questions can establish a passive client and are typical of intake
and many first sessions of counseling. Rethink what you need to
know.
2. Listen reflectively (empathically); follow client’s path, not
yours .. Reflect back what client tells you. More efficient. It’s the
client who needs to move. Listen to himlher. Like Roger’s idea of
being a mirror for the client. Good for gaining time when you
don’t know where you want to go or to cross cultural boundaries.
Concentrate on client’s interpretation of problem, not problem
itself. No on judgment; yes on reflection whether you agree with
client or not. Validate. Allows client to make “change talk” and
locate his/her fear and anxiety about change. Don’t react to
hearing negative information. Listen to their body language or
when client stops talking. This technique provides a safety net.

3. Summarize. Giving back to the person in a contained form. Here
is where you can be a bit directive. Person hears themselves in my reflecting
back of what they have said and then they hear your
summary, which contains your emphases to reinforce certain
aspects of what they said and not other aspects. Don’t use
needless words. “Offering a bouquet to the client.” Can serve as
an interim summary and then ask, “What else?”

4. Affirm. With “problem talk” and “problem focus,” easy to forget
positive things. Convey respect for client’s achievement,
struggles, and feelings. Reframing weaknesses into strength.
Must not be phony or contrived on counselor’s part. Must
monitor yourself to see where you see possible affirmation.

5. Eliciting self-motivating statements. The client makes the
argument for change. This is usually done by counselor, so you
change that relationship.

a. Problem recognition. The client’s realizing that there is a
need for a change and he/she articulates the costs and
benefits of change.

b. Expressed concern. Both the cognitive and emotional
aspects of their condition. Follow this by reflective
listening.

c. Intention to change. Arises more in later stages of change 1
but also can occur in crisis (like aftereffects of substance
abuse). The client needs to “own’ the change.

d. Optimism for change. Ability to change-goes beyond
intention. “I could change in chose to.” The client
articulates the ability to behave differently.

In Addition I make use of the Stages of Change Model to gage where a client is in their recovery. This model keeps me honest, from imposing my goals on them, and lets them decide where they are
and what they are ready for with respect to their recovery
Five stages of change have been conceptualized for a variety of problem behaviors.

The five stages of change are precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and
maintenance.

Precontemplation is the stage at which there is no intention to change
behavior in the foreseeable future. Many individuals in this stage are unaware or
underaware oftheir problems.

Contemplation is the stage in which people are aware
that a problem exists and are seriously thinking about overcoming it but have not yet
made a commitment to take action.

Preparation is a stage that combines intention and
behavioral criteria. Individuals in this stage are intending to take action in the next
month and have unsuccessfully taken action in the past year.

Action is the stage in which individuals modify their behavior, experiences, or environment in order to
overcome their problems. Action involves the most overt behavioral changes and
requires considerable commitment oftime and energy.

Maintenance is the stage in which people work to prevent relapse and consolidate the gains attained during action.
For addictive behaviors this stage extends from six months to an indeterminate period past the initial action.

As A Therapist it is important to establish the readiness of individuals. By doing so I am better prepared to offer you
those interventions that best suite you rather than using a shot gun of approaches.

When I consider where you really are along the continuum of change, as opposed to where I think you should be, it is my view that you are best served.

Steven Shaps Marriage & Family Therapist 310.721.1246 www.stevenshapsmft.com

Those who are free of expectations, whose bodies, minds and senses are well disciplined, who are free of attachment to possessions and act only to sustain the body are happy with what comes by chance, unaffected by the opposites, without envy, even-minded in success and failure and free of the need to act while acting.

The karma or (Actions) of those who are free from attachment, whose minds have been liberated by Self knowledge and who perform action as an offering is completely cleared.

Definition of Non-Duality by James Swartz Ramji
“Non-Duality is an ancient word that has gained considerable traction in the modern spiritual world. It means ‘not-two.’ It means that life is an indivisible whole, a ‘oneness.’ The manifold forms that make up our subjective inner worlds…and the outer world itself with all its apparently solid material objects…are made of one spiritual substance, appearances to the contrary notwithstanding.
That substance is consciousness or awareness. It is very difficult to see the truth of non-duality because our senses and mind trick us into believing that the conscious being that we are and the objects that we experience…including other conscious beings…are different from us. People who realize the non-duality of reality are happy people.
Experience is not to be trusted if we are going to be happy. To trust appearances is to be a dualist. A dualist is not like a capitalist or an existentialist. Duality is not a philosophy that one picks up in school. It is an unconscious assumption, not a conscious belief. It is quite natural in so far as everyone seems to see life this way.
Duality means that although we may exhibit superficial similarities, you are you and I am me and never the twain shall meet. Yes, we share the same human identity, but even it causes problems because it sets us off from the other things and beings in our environment. See the problems that we are facing nowadays environmentally. When I think I am better or different from a tree or a river you I may abuse it no end. And while we are all humans we are the same, many incidental attributes separate us. The raft of racial, social, and religious differences that our conditioning imposes brings a plethora of problems. If we could experience our non-dual oneness with life, most of the conflict and suffering we take for granted would disappear. Taking appearances to be reality is the norm, not the exception. There is nothing morally wrong or stupid with duality. But it causes a lot of suffering.
Non-Duality is not a new religion. It is not a belief system or a philosophy. It is not an idea that stands apart from other ideas. It is the idea that embraces and redeems all ideas. It is the nature of reality and is established by a proven method. This method is self inquiry, a way of investigating reality that reveals the essential oneness of all things. The purpose of this (the) method is to prove to you that the world is not a threatening place because it is non-separate from you.” (JAMES SWARTZ RAMJI)
You have always been yourself, You have never not been the Self, Self Aware, one with everything, non-dual, non separate, yet the personality, ego, body mind, matrix would have you believe and think otherwise. What fools us is Maya, as one focus’s on the Self, fears that seemed to be there, otherwise sense objects return to the unmanifest, outer conflicts seemed or apparently troubled us, dissolved. This is my experience.
Non-Duality holds the view that we are not separate from the world we see, feel, here, sense, taste smell and experience. Through knowledge and inquiry into our mis-understandings (ignorance) about who we are and the nature of reality one can learn to discriminate the real from the non real.

This notion is a very important aspect with respect to counseling and healing. it closely aligns with the idea of cognitive behavioral therapy, Rational emotive therapy and Reality therapy,

When see realize, that the feelings, thoughts, sounds and sensations that arise in awareness come and go, and that they are not who we are, are not to be identified with, and that they are impermanent and require no interpretation from us, the tendency is to let them go.

Because we have been conditioned to want to control our environment, seek approval and constantly search for security, we tend to believe the irrational beliefs and mis leading tendencies (actions) that seem to lead us to attain relief.

Relief if it is attained, is short lived, we must continued to act in familiar ways to obtain the same relief, joy and happiness that we believe to soothe our need to control, change and or get rid of the situation we seem to see ourselves in.

When you realize the non-duality of things your fears go away, your inner and outer conflicts dry up and you become happy. This is my experience.

Non-Duality holds the view that we are not separate from the world we see, feel, here, sense, taste smell and experience. That through knowledge and inquiry one can learn to discriminate the real from the non real. In other words what ever we see is the Self, though the objects of the world are not the Self.

This notion is a very important aspect with respect to counseling and healing. it closely aligns with the idea of cognitive behavioral therapy, Rational emotive therapy and Reality therapy,

When see realize that the feelings, thoughts, sounds and sensations that arise in awareness come and go and that they are not who we are, they are not to be identified with, that they are impermanent and require no interpretation from us, the tendency is to let them go.

Because we have been conditioned to want to control our environment, seek approval and constantly search for security, we tend to believe the irrational beliefs and mis leading tendencies (actions) that seem to lead us to attain relief.

Relief if it is attained, is short lived, we must continued to act in familiar ways to obtain the same relief, joy and happiness that we believe to soothe our need to control, change and or get rid of the situation we seem to see ourselves in.

Non-Dual approaches to healing, shorts this process, by making one aware of the conditioned tendencies, (Gunas, Vasansa Vedic Terms) and through knowledge and a process rediscovering the Self or Awareness that has always been operating.

Psychotherapy means many different things to people, from my perspective, it is my goal with clients to simplify as opposed to making complex a relationship that often has a negative conotation.

This method achieves results much faster and is less expensive then traditional psychotherapy.

While most people tend to want to control their feelings, change their thoughts, even plan intricate schemes to run from them, my work is about welcoming the tendencies as they arise, along with recognizing their somatic component.

By combining a more intimate experience of acknowledging the truth of what is there, the client re-establishes moment by moment awareness.

While the intensity of feelings & thoughts heighten initially, clients learn quickly that they do not have to do anything.

They fully learn to embrace and welcome what ever arises which release resistance.

clients report a quieting of the body mind complex offering a deep sense of well being, wisdom & intuition present.

Please understand our natural ability is to let go and release emotional content.

Client’s report that they are able to welcome long held behaviors as opposed to running off and soothing them with ineffective addictions.

My approach to psychotherapy is to simplify & assist individuals to rediscover that which is already there & to re-establish a relationship that embraces, thoughts, feelings, sounds, sensations & pictures that are often referred to as phenomena, and let them go easily.

Years of study as a student of the Vedas, The Upanishads, The Bhagavad Gita and Non-dual traditional teachers have contributed much to the process

If you are interested in a consultation please contact me at 310.721.1246

Some people would rather get out there into the world to make things happen. Try everything possible to stay afloat in challenging times, while others would sit back & be patient.

When does the so called patient person,  run out of patience & become more aggressive in the search for work and when does the more aggressive ones finally give up?

What is the tipping point?

How does it feel to give up?

What is it like to turn  the motor on full throttle after idling for a time?

Where do you fit in the picture?

If you are lucky enough to be working and making a decent wage, are you less concerned about being laid off, or having your income reduced then the person worried that they can not find a job?

It is relative isn’t it? Or does it depend on our emotional maturity?

Are you running on fumes now?

How long can you rely on your savings if you have been fortunate enough in the past 2-3 years to have saved?

All of these questions are discussed in my counseling practice each day.  I have to look at my own situation as well.  Each week a client that used to be regular needs to cut back to one half if not pulling back entirely.

Others are dealing with extreme anxiety about what to do or  how to survive, should I walk away from my home for which I cannot afford.

Transforming ourselves from a free floating culture of haves, where security meant having money in your pocket to spend as you wish and when you wanted,  to becoming  a daily concern, and nightly anxiety attacks about  where the next dollar is going to come from.

These and other reactions are transforming our psyche, our homes, and our relationships with ourselves.

Perhaps everything is happening  as it should be.

From Consumers who consumed at will,  perhaps it is high time, we are learning to be more careful with what we have and valuing what we used to take for granted?

I would like to think so.

Has our addictions finally caught up with us?

Are we all not being forced to onto the recovery wagon?

Well I think all of us know that the answer.

All is not lost here, there is a silver lining for all situations, the question I have for you is:

Are you willing to look as well as  realize that everything is happening as it should.

We are not being punished, other then by our own faulty reactions, our childlike responses for the lack of control over a world that has never been there for us to control in the beginning.

Waking up to this truth is not easy, but we have to grow up and see the reality of our ways.

Our former behaviors  are starring at us right in the face. What comes around does come around.

Are you willing to make the emotional shift in perspective?

Steven Shaps

http://toginet.com/podcasts/harvestinghappiness/HarvestingHappinessLIVE_2011-04-27.mp3?type=podpage