Presented by Steven Shaps Marriage & Family Therapist #39654

If you find yourself reacting  angrily, you maybe  aware that there is a tendency to blame  others or the situation for how we feel. We often believe they are doing it to us, and that the situation is making us feel the way we do.

Sometimes we may have a conditioned belief that if we punish or hurt the other enough we will feel better and the all of the anger will dissolve and not bother us ever again.

Falsely and unconsciously, we  believe  this  strategy will make us feel better.  We may even have the strategy to deny our feelings of hurt, that is pushing  it down,  believing  falsely that those feelings will not bother us or leave us alone.  Both of these strategies will do their damage.

We often believe by punishing or attempting to hurt the other person, the pain of hurt will dissolve. After things subside we may feel guilty for our actions and for the  feelings we feel, which can trigger self punishment for being this way. This behavior  only perpetuates the cycle of hurt, anger and faulty behavior.

Hurting others as well as ourselves in a fit of anger or rage never solves the deeper issue that is underneath.

What is called for is empathy, compassion, and some strategies that can bring us to the now moment so we can choose a more workable course for ourselves.

Anger and Attack , is an  antiquated survival scheme. It is a conditioned behavior, triggered by faulty beliefs, expectations, a desire to control others and the world.

We learned to survive at  a very young age and often continue to use unworkable strategies as we enter adult hood and have intimate relationships and interactions.

We may also spend an inordinate amount of time trying figure out what it  going on with ourselves. It may get worse.   This is where blaming comes in, which is mixed up with judgment, disapproval and other self hurting strategies.

When  in pain, life does not Appear to be working as we would like.  The world is spinning one way and we often expect it to spin in other, triggering upsets.   When we are overwhelmed by our emotions and react destructively, it is time to take a good look at what is occurring and  it may be time to get some support to learn new skills to release some of these powerful emotions.

Learning to manage our responses to life is the primary goal.

This seminar will consider the ways we think, behave and deal with anger ineffectively and put into perspective the reality of our behaviors and underlying expectations.

I will provide experiential exercises that will assist in releasing the feelings of anger, as well as relaxation exercises.

This will be the last course at Northridge Hospital and I will post future at another time.

Thank you for your continued support and for attending previous lectures for the 6 years.